Enough with the tired old mantra that discipline is the sole key to success!
A large portion of my clients are women who have juggled their careers, family aspirations, and built a name for themselves in their field—a field often dominated by men, where one had to be more disciplined, more determined, more structured than anyone else.
They know discipline all too well:
“I’m tired, but I still get up.”
“I’m exhausted, but I finish this project.”
“I can’t take it anymore, but I push myself to listen to my children’s needs.”
They know this tune all too well. They know how to resist temptations to stay on course. They’ve made discipline the cornerstone of their lives, and yet… it doesn’t always bring them success.
Of course, Discipline does the job for a while, of course it has allowed them to get where they are but at what cost?
The women who come to see me have often already experienced burnout, they feel empty, they don’t really see what all this is for… Discipline has given them a beautiful life on paper but has emptied the connection they had with life.
Let’s face it, relentless discipline alone can often lead to burnout, neglect of our own well-being, and a one-way ticket to exhaustion. And I am really tired of reading that everywhere. Discipline, routines, discipline gives freedom. I want to reject it all. Maybe it’s a generational problem, maybe it’s an educational problem. I know that my generation, the generation of my parents, they learned discipline too well…. and they never learned self-care… they learned early not to listen to their needs and just function…. maybe the new generation needs more discipline because they have learned a bit more to listen to their needs, they have learned too much to listen to their needs? I know that what I say is controversial, and to be honest I believe my justification is far too easy there. is Gen Z lazy or did they understand something that we could learn from?
Well, for my clients, I would not say they need more discipline. They need something else …
Maybe you know me, and now you’re probably thinking, ‘Why is Christelle rejecting routines and discipline when she herself is disciplined and has her own routines? Even her children are disciplined. It doesn’t make any sense.”
It’s time to rewrite the narrative and recognize that while discipline is crucial, it’s just one piece of the puzzle.
Enter the often-overlooked hero: self-compassion.
10 years ago, I began to introduce a new component into my life: self-care, self-compassion, self-awareness, and above all, self-acceptance. It’s a process and it can be learned. I’m still learning, and I see how challenging it is to reprogram oneself to allow more tender things into one’s life.
In this blog, we’ll explore the delicate balance between discipline and self-compassion and how finding harmony between the two can lead to a more fulfilling and sustainable journey towards our goals.
The Dichotomy of Discipline and Self-Compassion:
Discipline is often portrayed as the relentless drive to push ourselves forward, to adhere to strict schedules, and to persevere even in the face of adversity.
While discipline is undoubtedly valuable, an excessive focus on it can sometimes lead to burnout, neglecting our own needs, and a lack of self-compassion.
On the other hand, self-compassion involves treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially in moments of failure or difficulty. It’s about recognizing our humanity, embracing our imperfections, and allowing ourselves to rest and recharge when needed.
However, too much self-compassion without the necessary discipline can lead to complacency and a lack of progress towards our goals.
Should you want to hear more about my story or the story of 7 others women who understood the power of self compassion, click below.
Women Thrive Vol. II: Inspiring True Stories of Women Overcoming Adversity
Finding Balance is the key:
So, how do we strike the right balance between discipline and self-compassion? The key lies in cultivating self-awareness, setting realistic goals, and embracing flexibility in our approach.
Self-Awareness:
Take the time to reflect on your natural tendencies towards discipline and self-compassion.
Are you someone who leans heavily towards strict routines and pushing yourself relentlessly, or do you tend to prioritize self-care and understanding?
Understanding your default mode can help you identify areas where you may need to adjust your approach.
Goal Clarity:
Clarify your goals and ensure they are aligned with your values.
Are your goals realistic, achievable, and meaningful to you?
Sometimes, reassessing your goals can help you determine whether you need to adopt a more disciplined approach or show yourself more compassion.
Verifying your goals ensures alignment with your true priorities.
I have crafted a course where I share the routines and secrets that have empowered me to strike the perfect balance between discipline and self-care for me.
Movers&Shakers: To make your year extraordinary.Check-In Routine:
Establish a regular check-in routine where you assess how you’re feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Are you pushing yourself too hard without giving yourself a break, or are you being too lenient and not making progress towards your goals?
Adjust your approach as needed to maintain balance.
This has been an integral component. I consistently adapt my routines based on my needs and the rhythm of my life. I derive immense satisfaction from this approach as it aids me in staying on course even more effectively.
While it may seem like a display of discipline, it’s truly about making the precise adjustments to align with my goals.
And that brings us to the next point
Flexibility:
Embrace flexibility in your approach. There will be times when more discipline is necessary to push through challenges and stay on track towards your goals.
However, there will also be times when self-compassion is needed to rest, recharge, and recover from setbacks.
Self-Compassion Practices:
Imagine me whispering in your ear, encouraging you to become your own best friend. This gentle guidance dissolves internal resistance, shifts you away from victimhood, and propels you swiftly towards problem-solving mode.
How can you ensure both personal satisfaction and progress towards your goals? There’s no room for blame here, only a positive nudge towards your dream life. At the end of the day, ask yourself: Do you aim to feel fulfilled and content, or to remain demotivated, exhausted, and no closer to your aspirations? Because that’s precisely what can happen with excessive discipline.
Be like the reed that bends in the wind but never breaks.
Conclusion:
Finding the balance between discipline and self-compassion is not always easy, but it is essential for our overall well-being and success. By cultivating self-awareness, setting realistic goals, and embracing flexibility in our approach, we can navigate the path to our goals with greater resilience, compassion, and fulfillment. Remember, it’s not about swinging too far to one extreme or the other, but finding harmony between discipline and self-compassion that works best for you.
